Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
