I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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