i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
