I have demons in me.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
