Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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