I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
