i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
