holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
