i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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