so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
