So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
