Rock
Scissors
Fuck
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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