I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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