dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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