I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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