Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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