I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
