so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
