I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Randomize
