Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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