well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
