That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
