Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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