Pappa wants mamma naked
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
