i would punch a child for taco bell
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
