What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize