I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
