When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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