Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
