You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
