I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
