Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
