Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
