I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
