i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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