I'm lost and stupid without you.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
