sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
