someone owes me an orgasm
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
