Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
