Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
