Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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