I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You are a genius and a whore.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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