YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
