drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
