he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
