Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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