I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Randomize
