Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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