i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
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She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
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I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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