you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
How's work?
Spinning.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
