there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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