chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she told me i tasted like america
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
