Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
