I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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