His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
