Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
