Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
