doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
