Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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