I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
