ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Oh god it's open bar.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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