Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
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new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
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Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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