I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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