Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
