I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
