mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
