Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
