For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
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I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
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It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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