I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
