I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
