My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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