I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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