now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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