Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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