Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
