Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
