I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
