Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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