bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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