If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
