My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
