Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
