I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
