can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I think I am morally bankrupt
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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