one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
