i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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