see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
too bad you live with your parents still
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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